Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Extraterrestrial Revolving Conspiracy Tour of Ancient Egypt, part 1

It was hard to beat the excitement of Tahrir square, but still we skipped to the next door Egyptian Museum. There were many nice gentlemen outside the museum, asking us if we needed any help? And where we were from? and where we were going? and when did we arrive in Egypt? and how long we were staying? and why we were there? They were so friendly and helpful, and they said that we better avoid Tahrir because it was a bad place and we should only go to the Museum, and then to the Official Government Bazaar across they street. They even followed us in to the bazaar to make sure we were not getting lost. 
Were they perhaps too friendly? 
Was it a coincidence that all three men asked the same questions and all suggested we go to the Government Bazaar? Were these guys just friendly Government Agents, making sure no tourists joined the protesters? As each one was leaving they said they hoped we write well about Egypt when we return to our country, and so we were almost sure. 
Or maybe Egypt was making us paranoid?

the museum was eerily empty on Christmas day. Dust was helping the exhibits merge with the museum space, making everything a fabulous desert of neglect, 

Photography was strictly not allowed, so I had to compromise with sneaked side pics of the fantastic double glass-and-gold rooms
 I wonder what was inside, diamond rooms? 
Invisible temples?
everything seemed to be inside glass boxes,

  even boxes holding yet other boxes were inside other glass boxes.
For sure Egypt was hiding something.
still we needed to see more, so we headed out to the desert.
finding instead a heartbreaking dystopia of the cheapest possible construction, spread along the sewer that used to be the Nile river.

arriving in Giza, everyone exclaimed Pyramid! where?
just the proximity of Cheaptopia made me think of a funny comment Chus made a few weeks ago: "Just look at the contemporary Greeks and Egyptians, of course those temples were built by aliens! 
They made a stop in Egypt, plopped down a couple of Pyramids, then moved on to Athens and plopped down the Parthenon."

Were the Pyramids really just a capitalist development by an off-shore group of Alien Investors? Was this just classic colonialism?

of course the world is full of sci-fi conspiracy theories, and government paranoia of all types, so maybe we should see for ourselves

the two first pyramids were just great, 
though we did notice a spaceship parked in front of one
local peasants apparently left behind by the aliens had gathered in front of the door, maybe they were hoping for a teleport back to the mothership? But why did we need to pay an extra ticket to go inside? We should have asked about the hidden fees.        
            By the time we got to the second secret ticket booth, it had mysteriously closed 

the attendants were off praying, 
 surely to the tranny-gods of Stargate.

our only option for a decent teleport was the Dahshur Pyramids, 
so we headed further into the desert,

from afar we saw the Red Pyramid, 
but the scene was more Star Wars than Stargate. 
seeing as there was not a single tourist around, 
Red Pyramid was closed.

Still there was hope so we headed to the Bent Pyramid,

famous because either they got it wrong, 
or they just intended to make it bent 
it was open and we started climbing down the low-ceiling shaft

was finally imminent
we arrived

at a great  pyramid-shaped room, but not a teleport in sight.

 this was getting complicated
another tunnel 

and another room with a large scaffold staircase

almost there, we held our breaths
only to the entrance to the final chamber blocked by rocks


we had to be careful  now because sometimes the desert made you see things, Fata Morganas were all too common

we attempted to self-teleport by walking fast in circles

and faster

spinning around we we suddenly revolving around Tahrir again, a dejavu that made sense
everything was hazy and the bent pyramid of Darshur faded in the hallucinatory horizon

for a moment of eternity,
 it looked like we were on a train, 
the only tourists ever to board. 
This must be one of the trials of the Teleport


this is not Outer Space
maybe we teleported to Las Vegas by accident? 
this temple is surely fake, fenced in like a McRuin
Vegas would never look so trashy though, and there is even a mosque inside the temple. 
Turns out we ended up in Luxor, 
and this was Karnak Temple,
were the antiquities are displayed like leftover trash 
I guess the display method here is casual friday, 
 Garbageville de Lux or?

Angelo spotted an old school Egyptian Teleport by the side of the street

and decided to give it another go

(to be continued)

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